Okay lets start off with WOW yesterday was quit a day for us. First of all there is this festival that comes to our town every year. Well my husband and I were all set to take the kids so our oldest could ride some rides, play games and watch the parade. Well we get there, my husband and I end up in a fight so we turned around and went home. Well the fight got even worse, I mean such horribly mean things were said, I never felt so much heart ache. And oh I wanted to pack my bags and run, and for the first time I didn't use the divorce word or take any clothes out of my closet. I think that's why it hurt more than ever, because I'm use to running but I stood my ground and took the pain that comes with standing by your spouse no matter what, for better or for worse. So the fight went on for a few hours of course, it was just awful.
As I was laying in my bed just depressed, telling God that I felt like a failure at everything, my life, as a wife, as a mother. I beat my self up over and over, I felt like I been trying so hard to be this awesome wife, mother, I wanted to live my life by the Bible, but I just felt like my efforts were worthless, and yes I wanted to give up on my faith yesterday. But just as I was ready to throw in the towel, God was not ready for me to let go and He was in the process of planning something for me not to fail at. He was about to show me how important I was to this world and that I was worth more than I felt.
I received a call from a cousin of mine, who informed me that my grandmother (who has Alzheimer's) was at the festival with my grandfather and had gotten lost, he couldn't find her anywhere. My heart immediately sank, I then called my brother in law to inform my sister who was working at the festival so she could help search for her. Sitting there in my bed I just was lost, I knew I couldn't just do nothing, so I grabbed the keys and started searching the roads behind the festival thinking she may have tried to walk home since its not to far from the fair grounds. Nothing, just random people walking along the streets which scared me even more, what if someone who likes to cause trouble saw this little old lost lady walking home, what could happen?? I gave up I went home and called my mother and said I didn't see her and I waited for further instructions. I knew there were a lot of people looking for her so I put my hope in that. Then the phone rang, my mom told me I needed to go to her house and collect as many pictures of her as I could for the police she had been gone for over an hour. My heart fell even lower into my chest, I looked at my husband and said we have to go now, before I could even finish he was out his chair.
Luckily we live just a few blocks from my grandparents house, so it didn't take but a minute to get to her house. As I was searching for pictures of her, I began to call my mom, I walked out side for a brief moment and then back into the house and my grandmothers phone was ringing. I started not to answer it, but then decided well maybe I should. When I picked up the phone, it was an old neighbor and friend of my grandparents who had moved up town. She said a random woman (rather an angel) called her and told her she picked up my grandmother and she happen to remember a number that was this old neighbor of theirs. So she was going to bring her to her house. Immediately I told her my husband and I were coming to pick her up, and I called my mother and told her to start calling everyone to stop searching.
My grandmother was picked up way up town, she was so far from the festival that she forgot she was even there. Thank goodness for this wonderful woman who told my grandmother she was not going to leave her until someone picked her up. As we drove up tears of I don't even what, happiness, still shaken, mixed emotions for sure, but grateful being the biggest. I hugged my grandmother like I haven't before. She was safe, and the world was right again. I hugged this woman like I haven't hugged a stranger before, I was so thankful that there are still amazing people in this world.
See when I wanted to give up on my faith, because I felt like I was failing God, and I felt like I was just a big disappointment to him like I had been in so many aspects of my life before. Right when I was feeling that all my efforts of trying to turn my life around for so long was just leading it to me being a big fat failure.. God was in the makings of showing me that I wasn't a failure to Him, that I was worth ten times more than I could imagine.
Had my husband and I not go in that awful fight, had we not stayed home instead of being at the festival, I wouldn't have taken that first call, and then I wouldn't have been at my grandmother house when that lady called to tell us my grandma would be there, and it would have taken a lot longer to find her, as everyone was searching at the festival for her.
God sometimes uses bad situations for something good. Through it all, my husband held my hand, told me he loved me and he was sorry, and at that point, it didn't matter that we were fighting, what mattered was he was there, from the first moment of knowing he was ready to go searching for her too, the moment I said we had to leave now, he was out of his chair before I could finish. In the mist of the worst argument, he dropped everything, grabbed my hand and never let go. He is my rock, just as the Lord is our rock, and our salvation. In those moments of not knowing and even after we got her, he was Jesus to me. He kept me together, and after it was over, we knew there was a reason we were fighting. And I think we loved each other more because of it.
God is good, He never fails us. In our darkest and loneliest moments, in the moments we want to give up, He is already planning something bigger, something to help us keep on going. He is always going to show us we are worth more than we think. We are worth everything to Him, and He always has a purpose planned for us.
Thank you Lord, for giving me so many wonderful people in my life, I am blessed to know and be related to so many. There was so many people helping search, helping spread the word. It is a wonderful thing to know how many people care, and will stop what their doing to help you in a time of need. Yesterday could have been a lot worse, yet it wasn't. God is amazing!
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