Smile it could always be Worse!

Sometimes life gets hard, like it really gets hard, and your not sure how to keep going.

But you know what Jesus DIED, and that man STILL kept on going and kept on living.

I know we go through things other people wont understand, or we have those days when everything possible seems to go wrong and you can't even get mad you just cry.

But the next day, when your oh say standing at the kitchen... sink with that heart ache from yesterday creeping up again, just close your eyes and tell God you trust him.

I trust you Lord, I know you know what your doing, and I know I have to go through this for a reason. I may not understand it today, or tomorrow but one day I will, and if I can get through this without being angry or freaking out like normal, if I have to just cry through it because I don't know what else to do and I refuse to get angry or scream and holler. Then I'll just cry because at the end of the day those tears saved me from doing and saying things I would regret later.

God is always here through the good AND the bad, even though it seems He is MIA when those bad times hit, He's actually closer than ever and He's waiting for us to fall into His lap and let it all out so He can do something even bigger for us.

All He wants you to do is trust in Him. And sometimes He will test your faith and test how much you trust Him. He is our greatest Teacher.

 

 

   Sometimes we don't understand why God allows us to go through the things we do. I had one of those days Wednesday where seriously everything went wrong, I literally felt like God was letting the devil attack me over and over. I mean all the way up until I went to bed things just kept going wrong, it was almost like a bad movie and I was like seriously?? And all I wanted to do all day was just scream and holler and throw things. But instead I cried and I mean I cried hard because I didn't know what else to do, I cried so hard I didn't want to have the strength to get angry or want to scream. I cried while praying my rosary, I cried myself to sleep. But as I said all those tears saved me from doing and saying things I would regret, and I feel like in some areas I passed a major test. And it feels good now. Yesterday I just cleaned house, I kept myself busy all day so I wouldn't have time to think of the day before and everything that happened, and I prayed as I went, and I survived the day.

  Today I am back to normal, and life is going on as usual, I am a mother and a wife, and  I cannot take time out to feel sorry for myself for anything. It was hard for me not to sit around and mope yesterday because that's what I would normally do. I give full credit to God and my amazing guardian angel for keeping me going, and today I feel stronger and everything that happened is much easier to let go of, say it is what it is and now I keep on going. That's not something that's easy for me to do, that's why I have to give all the credit to God and my guardian angel, also my awesome Blessed Mother, without them I wouldn't be able to do it. But I asked them for comfort and for strength and they gave it to me. How lucky I am to have that relationship with them, to know I can ask for their help and they will come to me.

The devil is a good Con Artist

  So when we are really flying high in Jesus. Like when we feel our best, the devil always likes to rain on our parade. I mean he just sucks ha.

 

 

   It has been a good little while since I last posted so I have quit a bit to catch up on. For starters the devil has been quit the con artist around our house, and just trying to scare us for sure. But I'm so done with it, its not worth it letting him scare you all your life. You can either let him chase you around all your life, letting him scare you to the point where you play it safe, or try and run from your problems and let your past or bad decisions rule you and make you miserable.

   Or you can stop on your heel, completely give your self to God, turn around face the devil face to face and tell him he made a big mistake and he better start running. You have that choice, don't ever let the devil make you think you are too far gone, or you have done something to bad to have God turn it around. He does that to me all the time, and I realized yea I did a whole lot of bad in my past. I am NOT the same as I once was, and yea people can try and make you feel like you'll never be more than who you use to be, and that's not true. You don't have to prove that you are changed because then your just miserable trying and trying. Know that you are different, know that you have turned your life around and don't give them or the devil the pleasure in making you feel otherwise. A very special woman in my life is teaching me that, just live your life and be happy, let people think what they think, if you keep trying and trying to get them to see you changed the more they wont, just stop trying live your life knowing your better and maybe one day they will open their eyes and see. If not oh well, their loss not yours. Your happy and their still miserable.

    The devil always tries to make me feel like I could never be more than who I was and uses a lot of people to make me feel that way, or that I don't deserve a happy life and future even if God keeps tying to give me that. I keep rejecting it sometimes because well just like I said I feel like I don't feel like I deserve it or how could he still love me after some of the things I did. I was just mean and horrible and the devil sure likes to remind me of a lot of those bad memories to try and knock me down. But God is always there to pick me back up and keep giving me a push because He forgives me and He loves me, and that in itself should be all I need.

    No body in my life has ever been permanent, people have come and gone and never stayed. Even family, I'm not close to anyone in my family no more and a lot of times it gets to me because they were all I knew. My kids are like the only two that I know is permanent and that's all I know. Even my husband, he was always permanent and he always tried to show me, and it freaked me out, it still does, I can't tell you how many times I packed my bags and was on my way out the door and I STILL DO IT, why because I always think I can't have anyone permanent in my life, that no one is here to stay, so I run and I run. But the one thing my husband did was ALWAYS chase after me, he never let me run to far he always came to get me. Even when I was just mean and horrible to him he didn't care, even the many times we split up, he didn't care what I did he STILL loved me through it.

   7 years my husband and I have been together and 7 years of running and hurting him, he still stayed and he still loved me. And I am JUST now seeing it. I am so lucky to have a man who loves me for all that I am. Every guy that has walked in and out my house always asked me to change myself in some way, to do this, do that, you would look better like this. My husband has NEVER once asked me to do anything to change my self. I always ask his opinion like hair color or clothes to wear because I want to please him or I don't want to look in a way that would make him want to change me. But the thing is he doesn't care, he's like it don't matter to me, and he always tells me I'm beautiful more times when I don't wear makeup, and I'm like hello do you see me I look pretty fonky with no makeup just saying. But it doesn't matter to him. And so I'm not used to that. He really loves me for me and doesn't ask me to change not even the color on my toes. And so to me I think some thing is wrong with him because he wouldn't change anything about me. But its because he's permanent he's not going anywhere and I'm not used of that. I keep expecting him to just leave or walk out of  my life like every other person. So it makes it hard for me to accept him to stay and accept his love. But with the grace of God and His constant love and support, He is teaching me not to run any more.

   One day not to long ago I was ready to pack my bags yet again and I was sitting at my kitchen table and I has a flash back of this moment of when me and my husband were dating and I was walking out on him and it was raining or drizzling and we were fighting and I was in my car leaving, and in the rear view mirror, there he was on his knees in the rain crying. And I don't know how I remembered that moment, but I know in my heart that was God reminding me of some of the moments that made an impact on our relationship. And I remember how much I hate seeing my husband cry, all I want for him to be is happy because he had a rough life too, and I tend to forget it. But the thing is what he wants to be happy is me, and I never thought I could mean that much to some one. And I remember I was down the road and I just turned around and went back. Because that's where my heart lies is with my husband, the man that God made for me and intended me to be with. And He often likes to remind me of the things I forget about. I'm very grateful for that, because we are still together and still fighting. 7 years of fighting for this relationship and we are finally starting to have that blissfully happy relationship. And it all started with putting God front and center of our lives. My husband and I now hold hands at night and pray together, it has made such an amazing impact on our lives. But I know now, that my husband is permanent and I really need to quit running, even if he comes after me every time. I can't run from my problems any more, or run when I get scared. I need to turn around and face the devil and tell him he better start running because he just messed with the wrong woman.

   

   I live my life for God now and there is no one or nothing that will take that away from me. No one can take the love my Heavenly Father has shown me or the blessings He has given me. As long as I trust in the Lord and give Him my everything, He will guide me and help me to stand strong and tell the devil, ohh no buddy not this time!

One of God's Divine Intervention's

   So I have kind of been out of sorts since last week. I'm going to just start from the beginning. So last Tuesday my husband and I randomly decided that morning that we were going to get a puppy. Like Decided this and that afternoon it was delivered to us. It just needed a good home.
   Let me tell you things like this are a big deal for me and need to be planned out like 6 months a head of time. And on the real my husband usually is like no its to expensive, which is true it is. And we just don't have that extra money. But I don't know for some reason we just did it. And so we got this puppy, well I told my husband that morning I was like we have a problem we don't have our old kennel that we got along time ago. But wasn't using it so we let a friend borrow it, so he said he was going to pop by after work on the way home and see if he could have it back.
   He didn't call or anything he was just going to swing by after work, well as he got closer to their house he notices a man walking down the street, and as he looked closer he noticed it was our friend that he was going to stop by. So he pulled over and told him to get in the car, turns out his friend was on his way to some ones house and had a gun on him. Like I don't even want to think what would have happened if he made it to where he was going. But in that moment my husband just happened to be going by and he had no idea my husband was going to stop by. But GOD put my husband in that moment at that exact time to stop him.

Do you see how awesome God is?? Like God had a plan all along, because I kept telling myself I don't know why we are getting this dog, we don't do random things like this. And it was all for a purpose, God needed my husband to be in that place at that time so he could stop his friend from making a huge mistake. My husband I hope feels so humble and so in awe that God would use him as one of His instruments. God is so amazing I don't know how to even begin to explain his wonders. But you can't, you just have to be mind blown.

~Total Divine Intervention~