So when we are really flying high in Jesus. Like when we feel our best, the devil always likes to rain on our parade. I mean he just sucks ha.
It has been a good little while since I last posted so I have quit a bit to catch up on. For starters the devil has been quit the con artist around our house, and just trying to scare us for sure. But I'm so done with it, its not worth it letting him scare you all your life. You can either let him chase you around all your life, letting him scare you to the point where you play it safe, or try and run from your problems and let your past or bad decisions rule you and make you miserable.
Or you can stop on your heel, completely give your self to God, turn around face the devil face to face and tell him he made a big mistake and he better start running. You have that choice, don't ever let the devil make you think you are too far gone, or you have done something to bad to have God turn it around. He does that to me all the time, and I realized yea I did a whole lot of bad in my past. I am NOT the same as I once was, and yea people can try and make you feel like you'll never be more than who you use to be, and that's not true. You don't have to prove that you are changed because then your just miserable trying and trying. Know that you are different, know that you have turned your life around and don't give them or the devil the pleasure in making you feel otherwise. A very special woman in my life is teaching me that, just live your life and be happy, let people think what they think, if you keep trying and trying to get them to see you changed the more they wont, just stop trying live your life knowing your better and maybe one day they will open their eyes and see. If not oh well, their loss not yours. Your happy and their still miserable.
The devil always tries to make me feel like I could never be more than who I was and uses a lot of people to make me feel that way, or that I don't deserve a happy life and future even if God keeps tying to give me that. I keep rejecting it sometimes because well just like I said I feel like I don't feel like I deserve it or how could he still love me after some of the things I did. I was just mean and horrible and the devil sure likes to remind me of a lot of those bad memories to try and knock me down. But God is always there to pick me back up and keep giving me a push because He forgives me and He loves me, and that in itself should be all I need.
No body in my life has ever been permanent, people have come and gone and never stayed. Even family, I'm not close to anyone in my family no more and a lot of times it gets to me because they were all I knew. My kids are like the only two that I know is permanent and that's all I know. Even my husband, he was always permanent and he always tried to show me, and it freaked me out, it still does, I can't tell you how many times I packed my bags and was on my way out the door and I STILL DO IT, why because I always think I can't have anyone permanent in my life, that no one is here to stay, so I run and I run. But the one thing my husband did was ALWAYS chase after me, he never let me run to far he always came to get me. Even when I was just mean and horrible to him he didn't care, even the many times we split up, he didn't care what I did he STILL loved me through it.
7 years my husband and I have been together and 7 years of running and hurting him, he still stayed and he still loved me. And I am JUST now seeing it. I am so lucky to have a man who loves me for all that I am. Every guy that has walked in and out my house always asked me to change myself in some way, to do this, do that, you would look better like this. My husband has NEVER once asked me to do anything to change my self. I always ask his opinion like hair color or clothes to wear because I want to please him or I don't want to look in a way that would make him want to change me. But the thing is he doesn't care, he's like it don't matter to me, and he always tells me I'm beautiful more times when I don't wear makeup, and I'm like hello do you see me I look pretty fonky with no makeup just saying. But it doesn't matter to him. And so I'm not used to that. He really loves me for me and doesn't ask me to change not even the color on my toes. And so to me I think some thing is wrong with him because he wouldn't change anything about me. But its because he's permanent he's not going anywhere and I'm not used of that. I keep expecting him to just leave or walk out of my life like every other person. So it makes it hard for me to accept him to stay and accept his love. But with the grace of God and His constant love and support, He is teaching me not to run any more.
One day not to long ago I was ready to pack my bags yet again and I was sitting at my kitchen table and I has a flash back of this moment of when me and my husband were dating and I was walking out on him and it was raining or drizzling and we were fighting and I was in my car leaving, and in the rear view mirror, there he was on his knees in the rain crying. And I don't know how I remembered that moment, but I know in my heart that was God reminding me of some of the moments that made an impact on our relationship. And I remember how much I hate seeing my husband cry, all I want for him to be is happy because he had a rough life too, and I tend to forget it. But the thing is what he wants to be happy is me, and I never thought I could mean that much to some one. And I remember I was down the road and I just turned around and went back. Because that's where my heart lies is with my husband, the man that God made for me and intended me to be with. And He often likes to remind me of the things I forget about. I'm very grateful for that, because we are still together and still fighting. 7 years of fighting for this relationship and we are finally starting to have that blissfully happy relationship. And it all started with putting God front and center of our lives. My husband and I now hold hands at night and pray together, it has made such an amazing impact on our lives. But I know now, that my husband is permanent and I really need to quit running, even if he comes after me every time. I can't run from my problems any more, or run when I get scared. I need to turn around and face the devil and tell him he better start running because he just messed with the wrong woman.
I live my life for God now and there is no one or nothing that will take that away from me. No one can take the love my Heavenly Father has shown me or the blessings He has given me. As long as I trust in the Lord and give Him my everything, He will guide me and help me to stand strong and tell the devil, ohh no buddy not this time!
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