A Life Changing Experience ~ God on another Level!

 




So I want to share with all of you some of the experiences I had on our retreat this weekend. Like I seriously thought I was close to God but it reached a whole new level this weekend, so apparently I wasn't close enough.

 

 

Day1

   ~ I had such a hard time opening up to God the first night, I mean I enjoyed it, I cried, but I always cry so I expected that. But I was just soo distracted I just couldn't concentrate on God and really focus. So I was really upset about that once the first night ended. I know this doesn't seem like much but it's important.

 

Day2

    ~ So day number 2, the youth group leader pulled me aside and really gave me some encouraging words that helped me out. She knew I was having a hard time. So she really helped me to kind of calm my anxiety.

 

 

The Girls Talk

   At one point they separated the girls and the guys to do their own thing. And during the girls time, the woman speaker really hit home for me. Like I'm 24 years old and I seriously wish I would have been part of a youth group when I was a teenager, my life would have been completely different. But I also more than likely wouldn't have the children I have, and I'm thankful for them and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, so I am glad in that way, that I didn't attend a retreat when I was younger. But I got just as much as the kids there I can promise.

   But the one thing I learned with the girls talk, was I really didn't know what love was, my whole life I looked and looked for it in material things, things that were small pleasures, sleeping around, I just looked and looked and looked. All in the wrong places, I never thought to look for it in God. I just wanted some one to truly love me, and I couldn't find it, so I really felt worthless all my life. I felt as if there was no point in me being on this earth, I didn't know why God bothered to bring me into this world. I just was so, so empty my whole life. And I really didn't realize it until I heard that woman talking. It all hit me at once, like a big slap in the face. My daddy didn't tell me I was beautiful, my mom didn't either, instead of asking me why I did the things I did, I was called bad names, so I then turned around and acted that way. My mom kept pushing and pushing and she should have just been trying to talk to me, I never got the sex talk, so I didn't know how beautiful it was or why it was important to wait till I was married. So I just did it. My dad just chose not to talk at all or do anything to establish a relationship with me. He just bought me stuff and spoiled us. But not with real love, once I hit my teens that was it, I don't remember the last deep conversation I had with my dad. Still to this day and I'm 24 years old. I spent 24 years looking for love, just someone to love me and I never once thought to look to God.

 

Adoration that Night

   So during adoration the speaker told us to just focus on God, stop making things about ourselves and just make it about God. So I just for some reason I kept asking God to love me, I just kept saying Love me, Please love me, I just needed Him to Love me. We'll the bishop goes around with the Eucharist and he passes down all the isles. My husband and I just so happened to be sitting at the end of the isle and he was going to pass right next to us. I had my eyes closed most of the night, but I could feel the Eucharist getting closer and closer in my heart. When he was coming up our isle I close my eyes and began to cry, but then something happened, I had a vision.

 

The Vision's 

    So in my vision, I was a small tiny like child, and I was on God's lap and it felt like I was being rocked, and then after a little while, He tucked me into His arm where I just felt so safe, and I looked around and standing in front were, Jesus, The Blessed Mother, and my Maw Maw, and they were praying over me. (I never met my maw maw, she died before I was born, so this was a huge deal like I don't know whats going on I'm freaking out).

   And then after that I just saw my Maw Maw, who is so beautiful (I pray to her, and I tell her I miss her and I know we would have been close if she would be around, and I can't wait to meet her). And she kept telling me to let go, and open up, she just kept saying Emmie let go. I was fighting it so bad, like I just didn't want to let God in, but she kept reassuring me to let go. Right then the bishop was passing by us with the Eucharist, but he didn't keep going he just stopped and stood there, and through tears I opened one eye, and I was kneeling so all I could see was his feet, and in that moment I sank to the floor and I cried, I never in my life cried this way, I cried so hard I thought I was going to pass out, I didn't even know how I was going to stop. But I gave God my everything, and He showed me a love that I didn't even know existed. For 24 years I searched for this kind of Love, and at 24 years old I saw my Maw Maw, even though that sounds crazy, but I saw her and she was beautiful.

   After I cried for I don't even know how long, I saw the Blessed Mother, and she put her hand on my heart, and I mean I immediately stopped crying and a calm I never felt before came over me, I was filled with warmth and love and I had the 2 parents I needed, God and the Blessed Mother were my mom and dad, and Its okay if I don't have a deep relationship with my biological parents, I have that with Them. I consider myself very close to the Blessed Mother, I love her beyond reason and I get so excited when someone talks about her.

 

   After I quit crying, I was just in awe of what just happened. A new friend I made in the youth group, a girl my age, who is completely special to me. She just held me, and we held each other for a little while, and I had another vision.

   This time is was the Blessed Mother, and she was standing in front of us with her arms open as if she was embracing us in a hug as we held each other. And then it hit me, all my life I just wanted to be accepted and liked for who I was, but I spent 24 years of my life trying to be someone I wasn't, trying to fit in afraid to be myself because I thought people would think I was weird and odd. And this group of people in the youth group, this girl that was holding me, all these people accepted me for me. And She was my soul sister, it was like I was embracing a long lost sister of mine. And these other kids/young adults, they were my family. The family God intended me to be with all my life, it just took a journey to get there.

 

 

My life has been forever changed by this group of people, each and every person has touched me in a special way, and I love them like my family. I would do anything for them, to protect them.

 

  I made such special connections with several of the people, of all different ages, I made a new sister almost like my long lost twin. I adopted a teenager into my mothers heart. I saw him crying in adoration and my heart cried out for him like he was my child (you know given the odds I'm 24 and I could have a 16 year old son ha). But that boy changed me, I feel the need to protect him, to tell him how special he is. He's like a little ball of sunshine, and I don't think he knows how awesome he is, he has a smile that could light up a room, and no one can take away how special he is or his gifts are. That's only 2 people, there are so many more which I will probably slowly start talking about.

 

 

I just wanted to share with you my experience because I see God on a whole other level, that I didn't even know existed because I thought we were close already. I felt love for the first time, I love my husband and kids in a whole new way. I have a whole new family. And I have the life I was always wanting and wishing and hoping for. I just never prayed for it, which is probably what I should have done in the beginning. But its okay because God gave it to me anyway, just took a while. And I'm glad He waited until now, when I needed them the most He brought me and my husband to them.

 



My New Family!

God's Family 

 ~We're not Perfect, but we're Perfectly Good Enough in God's eyes~