So I sat back and thought how far I have come since I decided to go to confession and really get closer to God. I realized, about 70-90% of the day, I'm praying or just conversing with God. About 40% of the time I end up crying while praying bc that's just how deep I get into it. And then about 50% of the time I cant post or put anything on face book without mentioning God and then I'm like jeez people probably want to slap me in the face.
And then I realized a while back God told me he wanted me to help people find their faith again and find their way back to Him. And then I was like I don't even know how or where I'm going to start. But then I thought well If I can inspire just one person with my posts that involve God, maybe that's where I'm suppose to start. Because if you'd really know where I was at in before all this, you'd would be one of those people that think there's not way she's changed and is that faithful. Because even now for myself its hard to believe I am this close to God at times and ohh he surely puts me back in my place to let me know, yes it is possible for even the most unlikeliest of people to be this close to me. Yes I talk to God on a daily basis and about 60% of the time he talks back to me, even argues with me bc I put up a fight sometimes bc I feel like this is not happening. But it does God is amazing and he's given me the strength to do things I never thought I could. I mean I practically write a book half the time I posts something and I know there's a higher power working through these fingers bc some of the things I type down are just beyond my own words. But hey he has a plan for me, I'm still figuring it out. But I realize the more I say out loud Okay God I give up, you take the reins, you take me where I need to go. Just letting go and giving in puts me at peace. So if I offend anyone I'm very sorry, you can feel free to delete me or what not. I'm just doing the only thing I know how, annoy people with these really long posts about how awesome God is.
Translation
So this is pretty much where I realized God was working through me because, I realized one day while I was just talking to God I said out loud, God I'm just so thankful to have found you and to have started a relationship with you, and I really want to help people in some way. And then I said the words " I want to help people find their faith again", and in that moment I literally covered my mouth with my hands because I knew that was what God was telling He wanted me to do with my life from that point on.
Trouble is I had no idea how I was going to do that, my husband and I are pretty private, we don't have friends, we don't go out and do stuff with other people, all we ever had was our family and that was pretty much all we thought we needed. But about all the time we started changing, we just literally lost all connection with the family we always hung out with, brothers, sisters, right now we have no one really in our families that we speak to. The one's that we really want to be speaking to just don't want to talk to us, and we don't know what went wrong but I know that God doesn't do or allow anything to happen unless its for a reason. So one day I know we will meet up again with our family and I can not wait for that day because my heart aches because I miss them so.
So I started posting these huge preaching status' on face book, I told people if they didn't like it they can delete me because I pretty much don't know where else to start, so I'll just annoy the heck out of people with posting God's words and messages and how awesome He is ha, ha. And I still post status' but now that I'm blogging I don't have to bother them as much as I normally do. Besides it's not so bad anymore at first I was posting constantly but now that I'm getting the hang of things, God comes when I need to hear something He wants me to say. I do have to say though how much I ache to hear his voice because when your that close to God and you can just feel his love radiating on you, it almost hurts when you can't feel it. But don't forget He is always here, even if you can hear Him or not, feel Him or not He is still here. He's never gone, just don't forget, even in the Bible it says how many of the people in there felt alone at times. Even Jesus when he was in the garden praying to God because he was scared. But their not alone, just because God isn't speaking to them all the time, didn't mean He was never there watching.
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